How To Get Rid Of Jealousy In South Africa
What is Jealousy?
Jealousy generally refers to the thoughts or feelings of insecurity, fear, and concern over a relative lack of possessions or safety. Jealousy can consist of one or more emotions such as anger, resentment, inadequacy, helplessness or disgust
Jealousy also stems from feelings of inadequacy, though they are usually more conscious than envy. Whereas envy is the desire to possess what someone else has, jealousy is the fear of losing what we have. We feel vulnerable to losing the attention or feelings of someone close to us. It is defined as mental uneasiness due to suspicion or fear of rivalry, unfaithfulness, etc., and may include envy when our rival has aspects that we desire. By discouraging infidelity, jealousy has historically served to maintain the species, certainty of paternity, and the integrity of the family. But it can be a destructive force in relationships—even lethal. Jealousy is the leading cause of spousal homicides.
How To Get Rid Of Jealousy In South Africa
1. Don’t trust obsessions.
They greatly distort reality. If you can’t stop thinking about your partner flirting with someone else, you must distrust your thought process. The longer obsessive thinking goes on, the more certain you become—and the more likely you are wrong.
2. Regulate core hurts.
The primary component of complex jealousy is self-diminishment—you feel unlovable and inadequate as an intimate partner. These “core hurts” give rise to obsessions: If, in my heart, I don’t believe that I am worthy of love, how can I believe someone who says (he or) she loves me? I will assume that she doesn’t know the real me, or wants something else from me, like my money. Because I cannot possibly be enough for her, I will look for “clues” that she’s seeking fulfillment somewhere else.
And as many studies have shown, whatever the brain looks for, it will find.
When attacked by this painful feeling of unworthiness, before it stimulates a cycle of obsessions and revenge motives, ask yourself out loud: What can I do to feel more lovable and adequate? Just uttering the words will make it clear that devaluing, belittling, hassling, or punishing your loved one is unlikely to make you feel like a lovable and adequate partner.
To feel worthy of love and adequate as an attachment figure, begin by trying as hard as you can to see the world through your partner’s eyes and to feel what it’s like in his or her shoes. Appreciate that they may feel unlovable and inadequate as well. Think of what you can do to help you both feel more worthy of love.
3. Focus on compassion, not trust.
If you suffer from complex jealousy, you don’t have the confidence to trust. Focus, then, on compassion for yourself and your loved one. Compassion, an important component of your core values, is sympathy for core hurts, with a motivation to heal, improve, appreciate, connect, or protect. Trust will eventually return, after a long period of self-compassion and compassion for loved ones. But it will fall apart almost immediately if you try to trust without a great deal of sustained compassion.
4. Follow the self-correcting motivation of simple jealousy.
Be more compassionate, supportive, cooperative, and loving. Be mindful of the assets your partner brings to the relationship. Think of what you can do at this moment to make the relationship stronger.
Over time, this determined effort to strengthen your relationship will alleviate much of complex jealousy. But if it has become a habit—a conditioned response to feeling inadequate or unlovable—you may need a course in core value and emotional reconditioning or focused psychotherapy to make a significant change.
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)
What is at the root of jealousy?
Research has identified many root causes of extreme jealousy, including low self-esteem, high neuroticism, and feeling possessive of others, particularly romantic partners. Fear of abandonment is also a key motivator.
What causes a person to be so jealous?
Jealousy may be driven by low self-esteem or a poor self-image. If you don’t feel attractive and confident, it can be hard to truly believe that your partner loves and values you. Other times, jealousy can be caused by unrealistic expectations about the relationship.
What does God say about jealousy?
Proverbs 27:4 tells us, “Anger is cruel, and wrath is like a flood, but jealousy is even more dangerous.”
Is jealousy part of depression?
Just about everyone feels jealous or envious once in a while. However, when these emotions start to become overwhelming, it can trigger concerns about inadequacy or feeling ill will toward others. It can also bring about symptoms of stress. In some cases, it can lead to depression in some cases.
What are the types of jealousy?
We can identify six major types of jealousy: pathological (paranoid), romantic, sexual, rational, irrational and intentional.
Is jealousy a mental illness?
Morbid jealousy is not a psychiatric disorder, but a syndrome that occurs in many psychiatric conditions.
Is being jealous normal?
Jealousy is a normal emotion, arising when someone feels insecure about their relationship (whether that relationship is with a romantic partner, a parent, a sibling, or a friend). Everyone experiences jealousy at some point in their lives.
How does your body react to jealousy?
Jealousy might also kick-start the body’s stress response. Enter an overflow of stress hormones, spiked blood pressure, and an increased heart rate. Except for any delusion, these reactions could be. . . good for you.
Distrust, jealousy, paranoia, and anger drive behaviors that increase relationship problems. Anxiety can lead to such things as: Constant calling and texting to check in. Hovering to verify if someone is okay.
Is there medication for jealousy?
Delusional jealousy is a psychotic disorder and should be treated mainly with antipsychotics, while obsessive jealousy resembles obsessive-compulsive disorder and should be treated with SSRIs and cognitive-behavioural therapy.
Can a jealous person change?
It’s Impossible For A Jealous Person To Change. Most issues in a relationship can be fixed, but raging jealousy is a hard habit to break. Often it’s because a jealous person either refuses to change or refuses to admit they are in the wrong.
Can obsessive jealousy be cured?
Jealous delusions are unlikely to disappear without mental health treatment, and anyone whose jealousy has become pathological or irrational should be evaluated by a psychiatrist or psychologist who has experience dealing with delusional disorders.
How do you protect yourself from jealous people?
How to protect yourself against envious people
- Learn to recognize envy. This is the crucial first step and the one I kept missing.
- Keep a low profile.
- Deflect praise to others.
- Disarm the attacker.
- Build strong industry connections.
Is it toxic to be jealous?
Jealousy becomes toxic for relationships, however, if left unchecked, Freeman adds. Trust is a key component of any healthy, successful relationship. Jealousy breeds suspicion, doubt, and mistrust, which can snowball into pretty intense emotions and behaviors, he says
What to say when you’re jealous?
For example: Say, “I feel jealous when I see you do X, and I wanted to talk about that” rather than “You make me really jealous when you do X.” Say, “I want to share some jealous feelings I’ve been having,” rather than, “You’re making me so jealous lately!”
Why would a man try to make a woman jealous?
Oftentimes, a guy may try to make you jealous because he feels insecure about your feelings for him. His insecurity doesn’t make the behavior acceptable, but it does make it quite normal. His attempts at making you jealous might be his way of trying to capture your attention
How do you know if someone is jealous of your relationship?
Here’s how to tell.
- You Get A Lot Of Passive Aggressive Comments. When people are jealous of your relationship, it’s literally feels like you just can’t win.
- There’s A General Indifference To Your Relationship Problems.
- You Feel Like You Have To Keep Good News To Yourself.
- People Are Constantly Trying To One Up You.